Lost in the Comfort of Needles and Pins
by EmberFall
Summary: Ashpaw is just another apprentice in an overflowing clan, desperate for feelings he has not felt, places he had not seen. When the opportunity presents its self, he'd be crazy not to take it, no matter where it takes him. Right?
1. Rabbit Chase

That rabbit was going to be the death of him.

Ashpaw knew that shuffling would only make his duties take longer, so with an internal groan he stiffened his limbs and sat in an awkward-feeling crouch for the piece of prey to show its face.

He was on the west edge of Windclan territory, beyond their scent markers the beginnings of two-leg territory. It was by far the best weather for hunting; a rough, gritty wind blew from the north and made his short grey fur stick up and become fluffy. Darker grey clouds hovered over the sky, hiding the sun and making even the fresh Green-leaf grasses look dull and lifeless.

And still he stood, crouched and uncomfortable.

His mentor, Sandyfoot, had given him specific instructions: don't come back to the camp until he had two rabbits.

Easy to say, when you weren't the one catching it. With the clan the biggest it had ever been they were struggling to feed them all. He was one of eight apprentices, and in four moons he would be one of the eighteen warriors. Also, with six elders and two queens and three more kits on the way, it was rare to have a full piece of prey to yourself.

Frustrated thoughts almost make Ashpaw miss a pair of tiny black ears pop out from a rabbit hole three tail-lengths away, but he jolted into awareness and held his breath. A few hesitant sniffs from the little animal and it leapt out, speeding away to Starclan knows where.

With a little excited growl Ashpaw gave chase, loving the way his paws pounded against the soft, grassy terrain, how his breath came out in short, measured puffs like his mentor had taught him. Stalks became a blur and he began to feel like he was the wind as he got closer and closer to the rabbit with every stride, his rather small (but sharp!) claws churning dirt as he prepared for the attack.

With one final push of his hind legs he sunk his forepaws into the rabbit's hide, bringing both of their momentum's crashing to a halt with a little tumble. When the dust settled the rabbit laid dead. Not the smoothest kill he'd ever made, and Ashpaw was grateful that Acornpaw had gone a different way to try his luck at catching something. But oh well, prey was prey, and that was what Windclan needed most right now.

Scowling as he tasted the already – cooling rabbit's dusty fur, Ashpaw began the short trek back to camp. Ashpaw wasn't looking to going back, where the camp was full of cats and there was no place to breathe, well none_ think_. He was a very quiet cat, and when he did speak, he was sarcastic and mildly bitter. He didn't know why, exactly, but growing up with seven kits and only one queen, (a bad bout of Greencough had killed the other two) he had known very little focused compassion, but instead blanket comforts that every kit could get.

The camp was as busy as ever, cats fighting and gossiping and sharing tongues and being annoying. Passing through the gorse barrier and going down the slope to the ground below, he made no eye contact and bobbed and weaved through bodies to the pathetically small fresh-kill pile. He dropped his catch unceremoniously and backed away, head still down, and shoved his way back through to the entrance. Windclan slept outside, underneath Silverpelt, but if every cat lay down in the camp it would be a pile of bodies, so Ashpaw slept on his own right outside, in his own make-shift nest. He liked to believe he was the clan's guard, that if the camp were to be attacked he would be the first to warn them, but who was he kidding? He was out here because he didn't really belong in Windclan.

Ashpaw wasn't particularly long-legged or graceful, and he was a short hair, unlike the majority of long, swift-haired cats that dominated Windclan. He wanted to disappear sometimes because he felt like a sore paw against every other cat, and the she-cats didn't look twice at him (though he wasn't complaining that much, because none of them met his fancy.)

Clan life was beginning to bore him.

'**Ello to both new and old readers! Thanks for clicking on 'dis 'ere storeh~**

**Question-of-the-days will be up soon. **

**Im taking OC's, so submit them while you can! (mostly Windclan, 'paws, warriors, elders and a couple of kittypet names wanted!)**

**Love you all, EmberFall**


	2. Official Names and Descriptions

**WINDCLAN**

LEADER **Willowstar**- long-haired, frail but strong-voiced she-cat with pale green eyes and a tan pelt.

DEPUTY **Thistlestorm** - Pale brown tom with sharp claws and dark blue eyes, and spiky fur

MEDICINE CAT **Tallstep- **thoughtful grey tom with yellow eyes

** Apprentice- Hazelpaw**

WARRIORS(Toms and she-cats without kits)

**Cloverstrike**- Brown tabby she-cat with green eyes and medium length fur.

** Apprentice- Pricklepaw**

**Grasstail**- brown she-cat with green eyes

**Redfall**- Handsome reddish brown tabby tom with amber eyes

** Apprentice: Cloudpaw**

**Hareleap**- medium brown and black mottled tom with yellow eyes.

**Grayheart**- gray she-cat with lively blue eyes

**Meadowbird**- pale grey she-cat

** Apprentice: Acornpaw**

**Hailsong **- white she-cat with blue eyes, and one black ear

**Silverleaf**-white she cat with light gray paws and tail tip

**Beesting**- dirty yellow tom with brown eyes

** Apprentice- Jaggedpaw**

**Sandyfoot**- Bluish colored she-cat with long fur

** Apprentice- Ashpaw**

**Flamepool**- unkempt russet-colored tom with bright green eyes

**Fuzzymask**- black tom with white raccoon-like markings on his face and a patch of white on his chest.

** Apprentice: Sagepaw**

**Skypuddle**- pale cream tabby she-cat with white dapples along her underbelly

** Apprentice-Duskpaw**

**Spiderclaw**

**Goldenleaf**

**Snailpath**

**Highblaze **

APPRENTICES(more than six moons old, in training to become warriors)

**Hazelpaw**- slender, long-legged golden-brown she-cat with thick fur, darker stripes, and green eyes.

**Acornpaw**- Light grey tom with grey eyes

**Ashpaw – **short haired grey tom with very pale blue eyes

**Pricklepaw**- small pretty ginger she-cat with darker ginger flecks and emerald green eyes.

**Cloudpaw** - light gray she-cat with blue eyes

**Jaggedpaw**- Dark gray tom with night sky blue eyes

**Sagepaw** - Cream she-cat with white chest and paws, with a white speck behind her left ear, dark blue eyes

**Duskpaw** - Dark brown tom with pale brown brindles striking through his back, amber eyes

QUEENS (She-cats expecting or nursing kits)

**Palebird – **calico she-cat with blue eyes

**Mistmouse – **a former kittypet with white fur and grey stripes, infertile so she helps the queens as they give birth and lives in the nursery

ELDERS (former warriors and queens, now retired)

**Hiddenheart**

**Greystorm**

**Orangetooth**

**Smallgrass**


	3. Attempt For More Information

As much as Ashpaw didn't particularly enjoy what was expected of him, he could understand how apprenticeship could be so exciting to others. Belonging, contributing from the construction of the clan's population –though they didn't need help there anymore- to fighting battles along with clan mates and deciding your fate with a series of limited choices while simmering in clan drama… that was not something Ashpaw looked forward to when he went to sleep every night under Silverpelt.

Windclan, with its hunt-and-gather approach on life, Ashpaw fell bored as a new apprentice. Sure, as a kit, with the nursery your border and everything enticing and unknown, a kit wants to see the outside. But when Ashkit became Ashpaw and he got to explore the territory, he was utterly disappointed. Not that Windclan had a meager expanse of land, because that was untrue, but the sloping plains, the monotone colors of grass as far as he could see in every direction, was as constricting to him as he was sure the trees of Thunderclan or Shadowclan may feel to any other Windclan cat.

He remembered when he first got his tour of the territory and Sandyfoot had shown him the west border, everything past it the same as everything before it.

_Why can't we take more_? He had asked.

_Because we have plenty of land already. _Sandyfoot had answered. And that was that.

This, of course didn't make sense to him – and it still didn't. It was like catching a rabbit and eating only half of it and throwing the rest to the crows, because you had plenty. Who knew when you were going to eat again? Why waste, whether it was a rabbit or land, when it was yours for the taking?

He stewed over this as he stretched in the morning sun, already drying the dew from the stalks of grass and making the air stuffy. After his morning grooming, he pushed aside the heather to the entrance to the camp and went unnoticed to the fresh kill pile to grab his morning meal. The other pawful of apprentices sat a few tail lengths away, sharing a skinny rabbit and chatting excitedly about something hare-brained, he was sure. Ashpaw knew that he should go over there, make friends, maybe talk to his sister, but he felt no pull and they gave off no welcoming vibes. Fine with him, he liked it better on his own anyway.

The day held promises of boredom. The apprentices had the day off, and while they gossiped and tousled in the corners of the camp, he sent himself outside of the camp so he could entertain himself without hearing how Spiderclaw and Silverleaf's rocky relationship is going along. Could any cat really find that interesting?

Smirking to himself at the simple-minded personality of his clan, Ashpaw thought back to his time as a new paw, convinced he would be happier on his own than with countless cats in a cramped camp. His opinion on clan life had changed little, but he had learned to deal with the boring tasks and the cats who forced him to carry them out.

It would be nice to live on his own he supposed. Plenty of food, no need to share his catches or speak empty words or do unnecessary things. The more he thought about it, the more the kit inside of him arose. What was it really like, beyond the border? And he didn't mean that so literally; he knew there was the Moonstone and the Two-leg place, but beyond that? This couldn't possibly be only these four clans and a bunch of mindless, lazy kittypets in this whole land, could there?

Ashpaw, for lack of anything better to do, treated himself to his imagination and padded back into the camp, towards the medicine cat's den where Tallstep spent his days with his apprentice, Hazlepaw.

The medicine den was connected to the warriors den, separated by a thickly woven wall of gorse, heather, and dried grass stalks. It was protected by one of the only trees in their territory: a young willow with stalks draping down to hide the inside from view. It was nice, until the wind made the long green vines whip you.

As it was –thankfully- not one of those days, he pushed his way through unscathed. Scents of herbs and a stale wisp of sickness hung heavy in the air as he spotted the long-legged tom with his back to the grey apprentice, sorting through a pile of berries. Ashpaw cleared his throat.

"Hello. What do you want?" the medicine cat muttered, not looking up from his work.

"I, um, had a dream last night, and it's worrying me."

Tallstep, though he did not turn, did stop his actions and perk his ears up a bit.

"What kind of dream?"

"There was a fire, and I had been separated from the clan. I couldn't find my back and I, uh, I was injured," he lied, heart beating hard in his chest.

"Were there any cats there that guided you or healed you? If so, what did they look like? And what caused the fire?"

Great Starclan, what did that stuff matter?

"I don't remember much from it, but there weren't any other cats with me, I don't think. It's just been bothering me; if I was separated from the clan and was injured, what herbs would I use to save myself?"

Tallstep looked strangely at him.

"Well, it would depend on your injury, obviously. Horsetail and Marigold for infections, although they work best with different kinds of wounds; a scratch is different from a life-threatening injury. You would want Yarrow if you ate something bile, but it's not that hard to find. Now, if you were injured and looking for something in an unknown location, you're in trouble. But anyways, I am busy, and I have better things to do than help you fantasize your dreams."

Frowning as Tallstep closed the conversation there, Ashpaw went back outside into the morning heat.

Windclan was awake and alive with gossip; queens sunning themselves and warriors sharing tongues and all sharing two meager rabbits, apprentices joking around or dozing out in the sun. At first it looked like the perfect clan, but upon closer inspection scraggly pelts and ribs showing and frustrated glances at the near-empty fresh-kill pile said otherwise.

Ashpaw was just an extra mouth for this clan, and the more he thought about it, the more determined it made him to change that.

**Hello my beautiful readers! Sorry for the late update, but enjoy! Thank you all who reviewed and read this story thus far~**

**Question Of The Day (!): I think we can agree that Ashpaw's plan to know some basic medicine know-how was a little on the crappy side… what would you have done to milk as much information as you could without raising suspicion? Feel free to write it any way you want~ **

**(for those who don't know, my question of the days *QOTD*s are my way of encouraging you to write and to think! A question at the end of a story encouraged me to publish my first story and look where I am now! Of course you don't have to answer, but dwell on it if you'd like XD)**

**With Lots of Love, **

**EmberFall**


	4. Well, Almost

Ashpaw's nose twitched as a cat approached his nest outside of camp, where he snoozed fitfully.

_Maybe whoever it is will leave me alone if they think I'm asleep_, he thought.

"Ashpaw, are you awake?"

_Ugh, maybe not._

"Yeah, Sagepaw, I am."

Sagepaw, his sister - and probably the most influential she-cat in this clan - was looking up shyly at him. Born with her front paw twisted, she spent her kithood healing as best she could. She would always have a rather large limp, but that didn't stop her from becoming an apprentice and excelling in her training. She was beautiful, with long cream fur and shining blue eyes, and every tom in Windclan young and old came to her aid so she needn't lift a claw.

She was doted on by every cat in the clan, had become very sheltered, and had a very vague personality because of it.

"Why aren't you out hunting?" she questioned, turning her head and drooping her ears pitifully.

"Because we have the day off?" he replied in the same tone, staring at her like she was clueless. Which she was.

"Yeah, _we_ have the day off, as in those of us who went to the Gathering last night."

Oh. Had that been last night? He usually spent as little time in the camp as possible, and he hadn't really paid much attention to the moon lately.

"Oh, I, uh," he muttered, ears flattened.

"The fresh-kill pile is empty, because you thought the day was cleared from duties for something you didn't even do? Wow, Ashpaw, that's… that's _low_, Even for you."

Even for him?! What was that even supposed to _mean_? Sagepaw couldn't even deliver a killbite if someone else didn't hold down the prey for her!

"I mean," his sister continued, eyes wide and innocent, "Some might even think you don't care for Windclan at all."

A mixture of shame and irritation welled up inside him. How dare his kin, his_ sister_, say something so rude, so offensive and hurtful-

'_But aren't you? It's not like they've ever don't anything for you,'_ a small part of his head muttered.

Ashpaw's body drooped from his defensive crouch, forcefully perked his ears back up, and faked a smile.

"Sure, I'm really sorry for the misunderstanding, Sagepaw."

He closed his eyes to keep from growling. He hated when he had to bow down to others.

His sister, though, was used to others bowing down to her, and was not surprised by his obedience.

"Just make sure you catch some prey by tonight, we're all starving."

_Sure_, he thought bitterly, settling back down into his nest. _I'd like to see what you all would do if I wasn't here to pick up after your lazy selves. _

The thought pleased him. They would finally have to hunt for themselves, and Sandyfoot would probably die of embarrassment because her apprentice disappeared, right as her relationship with the deputy was smoothing out and mateship was in sight.

Maybe Ashpaw would go somewhere; somewhere that rules didn't apply and strangle him, where he could sleep the whole day and be around cats that were as serious about something as he was. Or maybe he could finally be alone, depending only on himself.

The more he thought about it, the more confident he was that he could do it. He would be his own leader, and deputy, and mentor. With Windclan he could become a good warrior, maybe father a few kits and live like every warrior ever was has, and ever will.

Or he could venture forth and go on beyond the lands that Starclan has claimed as their own.

It wasn't much of a choice.

As the day went on, he prepared. He came up with plan, and waited anxiously to carry it out, bouncing with excitement and nerves. When the sun began to set, he padded into the camp once more, this time mush more confident. He knew that these cats may never see him again. They'll live the rest of their lives in little borders with their drama and simple-mindedness and wonder one day when they are elders what happened to him.

The leader's den, opposite to the entrance, was his destination.

Inside the small hole in the ground sat Willowstar, their frail leader. The long furred tan she-cat turned when he cleared his throat, breathing fast and eyes wild to go with his story.

"Willowstar," he gasped, making his legs shake as an extra measure, "I-I had a dream from Starclan. Th-the sky burned with fire and a bunch of glowing cats beckoned me to-to come speak with them. They looked anxious, they screeched my name and Windclan's name up into the sky and then I woke up. I-I have to go to the Moonstone, and speak to them again. They need to speak with me!"

All in all he thought he was a pretty good liar. Now, he just needed a push in the right direction from pure luck.

"I understand. Come, we must get the correct traveling herbs from Tallstep."

"Yes, Willowstar, but I think that this is an emergency and I would be much faster on my own."

"_On your own?_ But Ashpaw, you'll have to cross the Thunderpath and the Two-leg place, both of which you haven't done before! It is too unsafe."

_Come on, come on_, he thought, _come up with something before you have to change everything!_

"But in my dream, there was no one else around. I think Starclan need to speak with me alone. I-I think there is a prophecy about me."

Ashpaw was running blindly at this point. A prophecy? That was such a hare-brained thing to say!

But by the way Willowstar's demeanor changed from alert to wary, he knew he had said the right thing.

"Fine, but I shall accompany you to the border."

Yes! He could work with that. It may not be his original plan, but it would do.

Tallstep didn't appreciate being disturbed from sorting leaves, but there was no defying a leader. He quickly put together the correct herbs for their travel, and nosed them over to their paws.

"Eat up," he muttered, huffing and going back to his task. Willowstar quietly lapped up her pile and stretched, awaiting Ashpaw's consumption of the herbs before him.

He took a tentative sniff before bringing the plants into his jaws, grimacing at the sour, bitter flavor. With a shudder he swallowed, fighting the instinct to vomit them back up.

He followed the leader past several cats who watched curiously as they passed, murmuring to each other. Ashpaw had to fight a smug smirk that hovered under the surface. He was finally free.

Well, almost free, anyways.

***collective gasp that Ember actually updated***

**Yes, I am back. I had to push myself to the brink of insanity for my final exams. Starclan help me… School is finally over and I can get back to writing.**

**Anyways, for those few that are following me from my first story, you know what this means! Updates every day! (and occasionally every other) **

**So, I'm posting a double update for your wait, it will be up shortly. Both QOTD's will be on the next chapter.**

**-Emberfall **


	5. Different Direction

Ashpaw walked with his back to the sunset as he neared the edge of everything he had ever known.

Willowstar was a few tail lengths ahead, looking around with a new perspective. He knew it was silly, but he couldn't help but thinking: _I'll never see this hill again. I'll never see a sunset from this spot ever again, _And so on.

He was finally approaching the edge of their territory. There was nothing special about the border; it looked just like ten tails behind and ten tails ahead. It was like their ancestors had just sat down when they got tired enough and said _"Yes. This is a good enough place for a border."_

That's probably what happened.

The she-cat ahead stopped and sniffed the air. The sun created purple and pink clouds, streaked with white and the last rays of the day, grey clouds straight ahead that did not look friendly.

"There is a storm on its way, Ashpaw. I would recommend you go to the Moonstone with haste." Willowstar gave him the instructions for the kittypet places and the Thunderpaths; they were pretty simple, and he was sure that he didn't even need the information she had given him.

With a wave of her tail the leader gave a nod forward. The Moonstone laid ahead, a soft purple smudge on the horizon. He, though, planned to go to the east a bit. Past the mountain, past the kittypet places and the known. Past _everything_.

With an inward sigh of expectation, Ashpaw took a step forward. And another. And another.

This was it! He was finally making action on his dream. He was going to be better than any clan cat has or will ever be!

After he was sure that Willowstar could not see him, he veered off to his left, in a completely different direction.

"**^^ sorry how "shortly" turned into so long. In my defense, my computer crashed. From now on, I promise, fast updates! **

**Question of the Day: what do you think will happen to Ashpaw? I mean, he's out on his own now, with a limited knowledge! **

**Love you all, EmberFall~**


End file.
